Family

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Discussion

Family

I suppose, looking back on things, the first I got to know about the problems in my marriage was when the television remote slammed off my head and ricocheted into the mug of tea next to me. I looked up at my assailant, with some surprise, I confess, and saw an angry snarling woman glaring at me.
‘I hate you!’ She explained, leaning forward in her chair.
As explanations go I felt that this one was lacking some depth, possibly even some element of explanation, but it is amazing how human emotions can tie your tongue. Rather than hurling back the rather damp, and probably useless, remote control, all I could muster was ‘Huh?’
That ‘huh’ of course was an interrogatory, not an acceptance. I was not only clueless as to her motives. I also had a head that hurt.
‘Well?’ She demanded.
‘Well what?’ I asked, not entirely unreasonably I felt, given that I was checking my skull for signs of damage.
‘What do you have to say to that?’ This was not asked in a nice polite and friendly tone. No. The voice was dripping with bitterness, and for reasons that I could not fathom, pain. Still stunned by the sudden about face in my domestic bliss I said what remains probably the most stupid inept and incompetent thing I have ever uttered in my life.
‘I think we’ll need a new remote.’
Have you ever seen those pictures of atom bombs going off? The way that the multi-megaton explosions cause a mushroom cloud that devours all around it? Well now you can picture my home after this.
‘Is that all you have to say? I’ve sat here and told you that I hate you. And all you have to say is that we need a new remote?’ This was screamed at me.
‘Well hang on a minute.’ I was pulling myself round now.
‘What?’ The arms were folded. Never a good sign.
‘It’s not true.’
‘What isn’t?’
‘That all you did was tell me you hate me. You may have forgotten that you also threw the remote control at me.’ That told her!
‘That was to get your attention. You are so lazy and useless that all you do is get in from work and sit there. You just……………………..sit! You do nothing, you don’t talk, you don’t share. You. Just. Sit.’
‘And your point is?’ I enquired
‘You. I hate you.’
‘I think we have established that.’
‘Oh no we haven’t. I haven’t even got started yet. I need you to know just how much I hate you.’ Now we had pursed lips from her. An even worse sign than folded arms if you ask me. But like all men, I am a fool and I just had to go and prove it.
‘No I don’t actually. I mean you’ve thrown the remote at me which is a pretty good opening of hostilities I accept, and you have told me that you hate me. And surely hate is total, it isn’t graded. There aren’t levels of hate.’
‘Oh yes there are. Believe me.’
Did you see what I did there? I opened the door. I gave her the excuse she was waiting for to explain to me just why she hated me. And just how deep that hatred ran. Over the next hour or so, we went into great detail of all the reasons why she hated me. I say ‘we’ but in point of fact, it was all I could do to get a breath in, let alone a word.