Til Death Do We Part continued

Lying there in the dark, she watched her husband sleep. She was twenty six years old and contemplating how long it takes someone to suffocate under a pillow. Could she just place it over his face and hope it happened naturally? As she watched Peter sleeping so peacefully, while she couldn't move without wincing, she promised herself she would never come to this cabin again. She spent the next year saving all the money she could spare, not buying anything that was not necessary. Kate could not remember when the counting had started; she just knew that it was what kept her alive. As Peter would strike her or have sex with her, Kate would count. A typical violent encounter was only around 345 seconds. Sure some had been longer and mercifully, some had been shorter, but Kate knew that if she could keep counting, she would keep breathing.

Peter knew he had Kate convinced she could not make it on her own, but more importantly she could not make it without him. He had unconsciously spent the eight years of their marriage drilling that into her. He believed Kate was lucky he had come along and given her such a nice life. Not everyone got to have a beautiful home, new cars, vacations, a wonderful daughter and such a loving husband. Yes, Peter thought of himself as a loving husband, a good provider, and as a man who knew his place in the world. If Peter thought anything about the punishments he doled out to Kate, it was that they were a duty and a signal of his love for her. He would not be able to look himself in the mirror if he allowed his wife to have dominion in his home. Peter had made sure that Kate had no money in her name. Peter considered himself to be a practical man. When Kate had wanted to finish college, he had explained patiently that it was an unnecessary use of his money to educate her so she could just stay home. He reminded her that he would always be her husband and if he died first, he had enough life insurance to insure she would never have to work. He could not understand why she would want to waste their time and resources on college.

Peter had insisted they not wait to have children, as he explained it to Kate, he was in the business of creating a family and as much as he loved Kate, his castle would not be complete without children. Like the rulers before him, he wanted a boy, a legacy. Kate had tried to keep her birth control pills a secret from Peter, but after seeing them on their insurance paperwork, Peter had expressed his displeasure with Kate by having her attend confession, followed by an evening of punishment number two, in hopes of creating new life. Peter only believed in natural or homeopathic medicine and rarely allowed Kate to see a doctor. Even when she was pregnant with Leeny he insisted on only a midwife and that Kate have Leeny in the privacy of their own home. Peter would be appalled that Kate
thought of him as an abuser. If Kate had ever expressed this opinion to Peter, he would have reminded her of how seriously he takes his marriage vows. Not all men are capable of his level of fidelity. For Kate and Peter's first wedding anniversary, he had hired someone to paint in beautiful calligraphy the words, til death do we part, on the wall above their bed. These were the same words engraved on the inside of Kate's wedding band. He smiled fondly at the memory of Kate seeing the new paint job for the first time. She had trembled with such happiness. He made sure to point them out to her a few weeks later as she was struggling through her labor with Leeny. He knew they would bring comfort to her as she brought new life into the world. Even when the baby turned out to be a girl, he was tender in his approach to Kate. He simply reminded her that in no time she would be pregnant again. Seeing the tears in her eyes, he felt truly blessed.

When the years passed and Leeny did not become pregnant again, Peter brought her one herb after another, forcing her to abstain from certain foods, while increasing her intake of others. He had read that certain supplements would increase your odds of having a boy, so the next thing Kate knew she was sitting down to a breakfast of little pills, all washed down with a putrid green smoothie that would make her gag. Sometimes when they were making love, Peter would wonder if Kate was using something to prevent her from becoming
pregnant. He had searched repeatedly and never found anything, but she had become pregnant with Leeny so quickly, Peter was sure she was doing something to keep from having another. She would insist she was not and the real desperation in her voice would convince Peter she wanted a baby as much as he did. He could not have imagined that his own punishments to Kate had caused her body to build scar tissue and to form their own barrier against pregnancy. Kate had an exam when Leeny was six weeks old and the midwife told her it appeared she had suffered some trauma from the birth and it would be a miracle if she ever was pregnant again. Kate knew the birth was not the cause of the trauma, but she could not help but feel grateful to Leeny for this unexpected blessing. For five years Kate had kept this information to herself and prayed regularly that the midwife was right.

As the summer approached, Kate developed Mono and could not get out of bed. She watched the calendar approach the Bear Lake week and with a heavy heart she had to adjust her plans. She tried to cheer herself up about it and look on the positive side. It would be one last memory for Leeny of life with her family intact. Leeny was a daddy's girl; there was no girl luckier than her in the whole world. When Peter came home from work, Leeny was waiting for him, anxious to tell him what her and mommy had done that day.