Unspoken Feelings

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Unspoken Feelings

Sometime ago I left my wife, because of reasons I now consider worthless, differences that we might have resolved with a little communication.
But, of course I could not let anyone tell me how to live my life. Yes, I was thinking, it was not necessary to get angry, but somehow it became our daily pastime.

I just wouldn't give in and admit that I was wrong! I was so stubborn; I would never give in to anyone! I kept telling myself that, if we loved each other, everything would have happened naturally and we would have been able to resolve our differences and get back together.

 Anyway, into the deepest corner of my heart, I wanted to run and tell her that I was still in love with her. Now I understand that she loved me, but I would not open myself up to her then. Ever since I left my wife, there has been a hole in my heart. Her memory is with me wherever I go.

One day when I was in my job, a long time after we broke up, the phone rang; I took it and spoke as I always had, with kindness and a cheerful greeting. On the other side of the phone, a trembling voice told me, “Hello.” The echo of that voice seared my ears like lightening and ignited my body with a passion that I had thought was long-gone. It set my heart beating a thousand beats per second and caused my breath to catch in my chest. It seemed like a lifetime had passed between her greeting and my response.

I told her, “I can’t believe this is true! I thought I would never hear your voice again.” I told it very seriously, trying to hide the happiness and emotion that was bubbling within me.

“I missed you all the time, and I think that we may be able to resolve things. I want to see you; I want us to talk again!” she exclaimed, this time without hesitation. But, of course, I could not show my weak side, even now, so I kept her waiting in silence for few seconds.

Then I told her, “Maybe we can talk. I am still confused - the truth is, I miss you too, but I need time to think about it. When I am ready to see you, I will call you.” Oh! What a lie I said. What I wanted to say was I want to see you right now, I need you, and I miss you so much. But how could I lower my head in submission to admit my true feelings? When she did go down before this indifference war!.

So, in this way I waited to call her, knowing that every moment I waited, her anxiety was heightening. Many things came to mind during that time; I always had thought that nothing comes without a price, and, because of this, I wondered what her motives were. What happened to her that she would want to call me again?

My mind began to imagine different scenarios, and I came to the conclusion that maybe she had known someone special, and maybe that person went back to his previous girlfriend. She would use me just to show him she wasn’t hurting
And that she didn’t need him …or maybe she was lonely and wanted someone special to spend her time with, but she couldn't find anyone.

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